If there was one thing that you had never been taught in your life, it was how to love. You had never been taught what it was like to have somebody care for you in the way that made you know that they always would've been there for you. You had never been taught what it was like to feel affection for someone, to cherish them as if they meant the whole world to you. You didn't know what it was like to love or be loved, and you had no experience of both whatsoever. You didn't know what it was like to trust someone, to look up to someone, to know that someone would've always been there for you and helped you whenever you were feeling depressed, angry, or hateful.
In fact, depression, anger, and hate were the only things you ever seemed to feel and nobody else tried to do anything about them.
More than anything, you hated your life. You hated the fact that your parents were constantly out to work until you were long asleep. You hated the fact that you were currently living as an only child and had no one to interact with. You hated the fact that you didn't know how to properly interact with others and didn't know what it was like to have a friend like everybody else at your school. You hated the fact that you felt like your life was always filled with loneliness and anger.
You wanted to change, but you just didn't know how. Nobody was ever there to help you, and it didn't seem like things were going to change for you any time soon.
You were currently 15 and spending your lonely, depressing, anger-filled life at high school, one of the places that you hated the most. Not only were you practically failing in every subject, but you always had anger problems, especially around others, and refused to get some kind of assistance or help from any one of the teachers there. They had previously tried to help you, but you had ruthlessly turned them down, and now you were alone to deal with your own personal problems. Nobody so far knew how miserable your life was, and you wanted it to stay that way.
Honestly, you didn't know why your life had to be so depressing all the time.
But that wasn't the only reason why you dreaded high school so much. You were constantly getting teased by several people around you, making it even harder to have a proper conversation with anyone. It seemed like it was impossible for you to go a day without someone giving you some sort of comment that made you feel anger or hurt inside. This annoyed you to no end, and though you tried hard to ignore it, considering how stressful your life was all the time, you found it extremely hard to do so.
It also didn't help that you were constantly trying hard in school and spending time during classes to study. On top of that, you often found it hard to concentrate during class and procrastinated often, frequently getting up early and going to school just so you would've had time to finish the homework that you didn't complete the previous night.
You often wished that you could've just taken your life, stuffed it in a box, flushed it down a toilet, and never seen it again.
You have got to be kidding me, you thought during your history period one day in the fall after your teacher was walking around the room giving kids back their tests and she put yours on your desk right in front of you. You stared at the big D- written and circled in bright red marker across the top right corner of your test and let out a loud, exhausted groan as you rested your elbows on your desk and ran your hands through your hair.
I try so hard to get good grades all the time! you thought in frustration. Why can't I ever get at least a C? You removed your hands from your hair and whacked your forehead on the desk before you wearily lifted your head and took a brief look around you. You noticed that almost all the kids in the room were sharing their grades with each other, and this though made your chest tighten in anxiety. You were usually very secretive, and you didn't want anybody knowing about your grade, especially such a bad one like this.
But before you had the chance to stuff your test inside one of your textbooks or cover the grade with your arm, you instantly saw a hand quickly reach down towards your desk and snatch the test away. You gasped, almost jumping in your seat before you looked up to stare at a girl with blonde, curly hair pulled back in a ponytail as she stared down at your test with a smirk on her face, one hand placed on her hip.
"Ouch," she said in mock pity as she lifted her gaze from the test to look at you with that same grin still on her face. "It must suck to try so hard in school and still get bad grades all the time. Right, _____?"
You continued to sit there and stare at her in shock, your mouth dropped slightly open. For a second there you weren't sure of how to reply, what to say in return, and you had lost the ability to speak. Finally, you regained your senses and a burst of anger spread through you as you sprang out of your seat and made a failed attempt to snatch the test away from the girl.
"Give that back!" you yelled at her as you vainly tried to get a hold of your test, but she was moving around with her back facing you and giggling so much that you found it hard to be able to successfully get it back.
"What's the matter, _____?" the girl laughed as she continued to tightly grasp your test with one hand, moving it away from you as you tried to take it back from her. "Are you upset because you know you're a failure even though you try to do good?"
You gritted your teeth, trying not to let out a loud growl. "No! My grades are none of your business, so just give me my test back!"
But instead, the girl let out a laugh before she ran away from you and to the back of the room, where most of the kids were as they kept discussing their tests. "Hey, people!" the girl yelled as you caught up to her and continued to try and take the test away from her, which proved useless like before. "Isn't this one of the funniest things ever? _____ got a D- on one of the easiest history tests of the semester even though she wasted practically her whole week studying for nothing!"
It almost felt as if you had been slapped in the face. By this point, all the kids in the room turned their gazes over to you and you had frozen in place, staring at the girl in embarrassment, fury, and shock. Some of the kids had started to snicker and murmur quietly to each other, but you didn't pay attention to them as you leaned forward and fiercely snatched the test away from the girl's vice grip, causing a tear to form on the top of the paper. Your face flushed with anger, you whipped around and stormed back to your desk, trying hard to drown out the amused laugh of the girl and the other giggles that filled the room.
You quickly sat down in your seat before you rested your arms on your desk and buried your face in them, frustration swirling inside you like a tornado.
I really hate my life! you thought angrily as you felt tears form on the edges of your eyes. No, you will not cry. You hated crying. It only made your life even worse.
As you continued to sit there, blocking out everything around you, you hadn't even been aware that by that point, the bell had rung and the period was over. Everybody had already packed their things and left, some of the boys giving you words of mock congratulations before they also headed out the door while you continued to sit there with your head in your arms, unaware that you were the only student still in the practically empty room.
It wasn't until you felt a sharp tap on your shoulder that you wearily lifted your head and looked up, instantly meeting the irritated gaze of the teacher as she loomed over you with her hands on her hips.
"_____," the period ended five minutes ago," she said sharply. "You need to learn to be more aware of the time."
"What...?" you asked drowsily before you shifted your gaze to look up at the clock hanging next to the door. Instantly, your eyes widened and your heart raced when you realized that you were already late for your next class.
"Oh, crap!" you yelled in frustration before you sprang out of your seat and flung your backpack over one shoulder, taking your books in one arm. You quickly grabbed your test with your other free hand before you dashed out of the room and slammed the door behind you, not even bothering to look back at the disapproving glare of the teacher.
As you began to run down the hallway, trying hard to avoid bumping into the large amount of kids that were walking around you, you felt the sudden urge to slap yourself across the face. Why am I always so disorganized? you thought as you groaned mentally, trying hard not to let any of your books or papers fall to the floor without you being aware of it. The last thing you wanted was to be was late for class, and you figured that anybody seeing you running down the hall as if your life depended on it would've thought that there was something seriously wrong with you. But you didn't care. All you cared about was not being late for class and not risking detention.
Just when you felt that you had almost reached your class without being late by such a significant amount of time, you instantly felt the breath knock out of you when you fiercely collided with someone. You let out a gasp as you fell to the floor, immediately causing your eyes to tightly close, your grip on your books to disappear, and your test to leave your grasp.
No! You cursed yourself as you felt your back hurt from your impact with the floor. At that moment, all your panic and frustration over being late had vanished, and you groaned as you continued to lie on the floor, your head throbbing and muscles aching. By that point, it became increasingly quiet in the hallway, and you knew that almost everyone there was probably staring at you, but you honestly didn't care less.
Finally, after a few aching seconds, you opened your eyes, blinking a few times to get your vision to focus. Instantly, you felt your heart rate increase when you saw somebody looking down at you with a concerned expression on their face.
"I'm sorry, are you alright?"
You were silent for a few moments, once again suddenly losing the ability to speak. You took the time to squint and study the person closely now that he seemed to have his attention focused on you. He looked way too formally dressed, had shaggy blonde hair, emerald green eyes, and unusually thick eyebrows. You had honestly never seen him before, and even if you did, you didn't remember it. Why should he be concerned over you?
"Oh, um...I'm fine," you muttered as you propped yourself up on your elbows and struggled to get into a sitting position, groaning as you felt a dull pain spread through your body. You looked around at your books that were spread out all over the floor around you before you lifted your gaze to look up at the guy and frowned.
A few seconds of silence passed between the both of you before he extended his hand out towards you politely. "Do you want me to help you up?"
"No!" you said a bit forcefully as you glared at him. But then, realizing how rude you sounded, you replied more quietly, "No. I'm fine." You slowly and a bit unsteadily got back up on your feet before you brushed away any stray dirt away from your clothes, your back still sore from the impact. You lifted your gaze so that you were able to meet his, and now that you were more or less eye level with him, you felt your chest tighten and your heart rate increase.
He continued to stare at you for a few more seconds before he finally took his gaze away from you and instead fixed it on your books, which were still scattered across the floor. He leaned forward and was about to pick them up before you fiercely grabbed his arm and stopped him.
"What are you doing?" you asked loudly.
He paused, turning his head around to look up at you with a frown visible on his face. "I'm picking up your books for you."
"I don't need you to pick up my books!" you said irritatingly before you got down on your knees and hastily began gathering your stuff together, refusing to look up and meet the boy's gaze. "Honestly, why do you need to help me if this whole incident is my fault?"
"Well, it's not completely your fault," he said as he crouched down next to you and picked up any stray papers that had fallen out of your backpack during the collision. "You seemed to be in a rush and I should've paid more attention to where I was going."
"I seemed to be in a rush?" You scoffed as you picked up your backpack and shoved your books inside. "Do you need glasses or something?"
"I'll have you know my eyesight is perfectly fine," the boy said with a bit of aggravation as he handed you some of your papers. You took them without looking up at him and carelessly shoved them into your backpack. "And there's no need to be so rude when I'm clearly doing you a favor."
"Look, I'm not in the mood right now, okay?" you retorted as you gathered the rest of the papers that were still on the floor and put them inside your backpack with the rest of your things. "I'm already late for class no thanks to you."
You lifted your gaze to look up at the boy, and your eyes widened in shock when you saw that he had picked up your test and was staring down at it intently with a visible frown on his face.
"Hey, give that back!" you yelled before you snatched the test away from him and shoved it into your backpack, anger and humiliation quickly rising up inside you.
He lifted his gaze to look up at you, a confused and irritated expression on his face. "I'm sorry," he replied simply. "But you should really find a way to deal with your anger issues."
It almost felt as if you had been punched in the stomach. "I don't have anger issues!" you shouted as you threw your backpack over your shoulder and stood back on your feet, putting your hands on your hips and glaring down at the boy with a look of pure hatred. "You just don't know what you're talking about, that's all!"
After a few seconds of silence he stood back on his feet and his gaze locked with yours once again, and your anger quickly faded when you saw the concern and frustration that was visible in his eyes.
He was only trying to help me, you thought, guilt replacing the annoyance that took over your body only moments ago. "I-I'm sorry," you stammered after an awkward silence passed between the both of you, and you lowered your gaze in embarrassment. "Th-Thank you for...h-helping me pick up my stuff."
The boy continued to look at you for a few more seconds before he gave you a brisk nod. "You're welcome." With that, he turned around and proceeded walking back down the hallway, and at the sound of his footsteps getting fainter, you lifted your head and shifted your gaze to the side so that you were able to watch him go, not even bothering to pay attention to the large crowd of kids who were still staring at you.
Why did he have to perform such an act of kindness and help you pick up your stuff? On a normal occasion, nobody would've helped you gather your things, not even the person who you would've bumped into. And they probably would've been laughing instead of offering to help you get back up and giving you back your things. You honestly didn't know what to make of this.
I bet if he knew more about the real me, he would've been laughing and being ignorant towards me just like everyone else, you thought with an irritated frown. Still, you couldn't have helped but wonder whether or not you would've seen him again.